Ed Santana, MA, Psychotherapist

Toronto Therapist

 

Psychotherapy for Individuals

Beginning psychotherapy is a positive and extremely important step to better understanding and dealing with life's challenges.  It is also a place for expanding the imagination and fostering deep healing.

Therapy provides fresh perspectives and opportunities for new visions and success--for individuals and couples.  

Exploring your unique journey through life can open many new doors and promote true well-being.  Find more information here:  Toronto Psychotherapy

My approach is entirely patient-centered, based on your needs and unique situations.  I integrate depth psychological approaches derived from Jungian-based, solution-focused, and humanistic perspectives.  I am proud to work with a wide range of patients from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and communities. 

Here are a few of the areas in which I support patients:

•     Anger and stress management
•     Anxiety, depression, fear, low self-esteem
•     Bereavement, sudden loss, unresolved grief
•     Career changes—finding purpose and meaning or new directions
•     Couples & Singles—infidelity, loss, healing the past, forgiveness
•     Effects of childhood trauma—physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
•     Financial challenges
•     LGBTQ issues—healing from oppression or fear, building community
•     General exploration, personal identity and self-development
•     Mid-life questioning, preparing the second part of life
•     Relationship problems—couple, family, parent-child
•     Sexuality and sexual problems
•     Spirituality and greater mindfulness
•     Stressful changes in life, work, or family
•     Success and joy—embarking on a quest, deciding on a new direction

To learn more click here:  Toronto Psychotherapy

Giving is the key to happiness...

"Even more important than the warmth and affection we receive, is the warmth and affection we give. It is by giving warmth and affection, by having a genuine sense of concern for others, in other words through compassion, that we gain the conditions for genuine happiness. More important than being loved, therefore, is to love." -- Dalai Lama

It is often the case in the most important relationships that we can become so focused on what we are not receiving that we do not realize we are not giving the very things we seek.  If you want more love, give more love.  If you want more kindness, give more kindness.  If you want more trust, give more trust.  If you want more compassion and acceptance, give more compassion and acceptance.  It may not come back right away, but in time and in unforeseen ways it may arrive.  Sometimes we expect it to bounce back right away and this is our mistake, for everything has its own mysterious workings and timing.

Notice the balance of giving and receiving in your relationships, and set out to lead by giving to others what it is you want.  Ask yourself, "what is it I want most from the other person?"--then, whatever the answer, give it--or give more of it.  And wait.  So often we hope for what we want, not realizing the situation calls for us to give what it is we came here to get.  

And for those who give too much, take heed that there is another kind of giving that needs to be had. In some relationships that are so off-balance that one would be a fool to give and give and give--those call for a different kind of giving, a giving to oneself and the courage "to not give" but to deem oneself worthy of receiving.  For those who give too much, learning to receive is essential if one is to fully be loved and know love.

Psychotherapy can help find meaning...

Here are two quotes on finding meaning at mid-life from leading psychologist and author, James Hollis.  His books, The Middle Passage and The Eden Project are two great resources for those embarking on finding meaning during the second half of life.  I strongly recommend reading them.

"Despite the blandishments of popular culture, the goal of life is not happiness but meaning. Those who seek happiness by trying to avoid or finesse suffering will find life more and more superficial. Life is not a problem to be solved but a series of engagements with the cosmos in which we are asked to live as fully as we can manage." 

"In the second half of life, the questions become: 'Who, apart from the roles you play, are you? What does the soul ask of you? Do you have the wherewithal to shift course, to deconstruct your painfully achieved identity, risking failure, marginalization and loss of collective approval?' No small task." ~ James Hollis, Ph.D.

In my office in downtown Toronto, I work with many individuals in therapy asking these very questions and searching for greater meaning and purpose.  This search is a sure sign of health, for asking the questions means one is willing to cast off the old and take on the callings of the soul.

 

The Power of Depth Therapy...

"Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is."   Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Often in therapy, individuals and couples encounter parts of themselves or the other that are dark or unconscious elements from the hidden shadows.  These darker aspects of ourselves are invitations to wholeness, for we cannot become whole with ourselves or in relationships until we have integrated our darker aspects...to understand them and the terrible havoc they create in our lives.  

It is through the shadows that we uncover the calling to forge a new level of love with ourselves and others.  Wholeness requires both light and shadow.

Therapy Can Help Improve Physical Health

Embarking on a journey of healing by working through deeper personal issues in therapy is an important act of physical health.  We carry our psychological weight in every moment. 

"When we speak of the change in a person produced by therapy, we are indicating, if not consciously pointing out, certain indefinable physical differences: a difference in the tempo and pitch of speech, a difference in the physical composure, a difference in the degree and kind of attention available. The attitude of the person toward himself and toward the world has changed and, with it, the body gestalt, outline and substance." --Mary Starks Whitehouse (1963)

 The body is a remarkable reflection of mental health and change becomes apparent.  The body and mind are one, so inevitably change produces important and recognizable health benefits.  Setting oneself free from the unknown dynamics of internal forces and past struggles can sometimes be the key to a renewed sense of self and a greater dedication to physical health.  Mental angst takes a physical toll on the body, just as freedom and happiness produce greater physical well-being.

 

Facing Grief and Loss

Grief and Loss

As a psychotherapist, I work extensively with people experiencing many different forms of grief and loss.  Being with others in a time of crisis requires compassion and the ability to provide the space necessary to experience difficult emotions.  Each of us at some point in life is faced with overwhelming situations, when we have to face life's toughest moments and enter a deep inner searching for answers. 

In therapy, either with a psychotherapist or psychologist, working through grief and loss is critical to the health of a person or couple.  Entering therapy or counselling at these moments can be difficult, but it may be essential to begin a journey toward healing.  A psychotherapist or counsellor for an individual or couple can provide steady support and help guide or be with you in troubled times.  If you are reading this and feel like you need additional support to navigate difficult circumstances, know that help is available.  I work with individuals and couples at my office in downtown Toronto.  Know that everyone experiences grief and loss and that these can be among the most overwhelming emotions and situations that we ever have to face.  Reach out to a therapist or counsellor and find the support you need at this difficult time. 

Our deepest wounds may sometimes require being alone, but healing from them often times requires the strength and support of others.

Quoted in the Globe and Mail:

"Those conversations should also touch on how each spouse was raised and what influenced their attitudes about money, says Ed Santana, a psychotherapist and executive-director for the Ontario Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

“When they understand where the other person is coming from and when they [learn] some of their choices about money, [their fight] becomes less personal,” he says.

Mr. Santana and financial experts also agree on some of the ways to bring together spenders and savers to find the middle ground."

You can see the full article at The Globe and Mail.

Trust the Experience Before You...

As our world encounters difficult times, on personal and collective levels, here is a good story from Joseph Campbell to remember:

A bit of advice 

given to a young Native American

at the time of his initiation:

"As you go the way of life, 

you will see a great chasm.

Jump.

It is not as wide as you think."

The Power of Your "Bliss"

Our quest for a sense of fulfillment and purpose can sometimes seem challenging and elusive...that is until we come back to the most important and simple place of being deep in the middle of our bliss.  This is not bliss without struggle or pain or difficulty, it is the bliss that Joseph Campbell brilliantly defined as being in the rapture of our passions.

"BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of... being helped by hidden hands?"

"JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."        

--Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

When Campbell died, just months after recording the interviews with Bill Moyers that were to become The Power of Myth, he had no idea how these interviews, and, in particular, this idea of following one's bliss would resonate with the public. Within months of airing on PBS in the United States, the phrase "Follow Your Bliss" had become a catchphrase.   Joseph Campbell Foundation 

As you prepare for another Season...

These are times of great change both personally and collectively.  As you prepare your goals for the upcoming season, you might want to consider the wise words below and the causes that may have been silently tucked away for too long.  The biggest challenges hold many opportunities for renewal, growth, and contribution.  This is a time for living and working with purpose.

 

Enjoy!

    

The Invitation

"--It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.  I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

--It doesn't interest me how old you are.  I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

--It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.  I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

--I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. 

--I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being a human.

--It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.  I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

--I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

 
--I want to know if you can see beauty even if it's not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's [Spirit's or the Universe's] presence.

--I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver moon, "YES!"

--It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary, bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for 
the children.

--It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.  I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

--It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.  I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.

--I want to know if you can be alone with yourself; and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

~ inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Native American Elder, May 1994

 May this next season be rich with discovery and fulfillment!

What is your unique life force?

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."
--Martha Graham
from The Life and Work of Martha Graham

To Be Nobody—But—Yourself...

"To be nobody—but—yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
--e.e. cummings
from A Poet's Advice